Starting Here...

My commitment for 2017 is to continue my journey towards physical well-being and to also incorporate improved mental well-being. 

Part of my journey to improved mental well-being is blogging more regularly (at least bi-weekly) and doing some self-exploration. I'm 44 years old and -- surprisingly -- I feel like I don't know many things about myself. Years of being a mom, giving to others, working, going to school, you name it and I've lost myself.

Tiffany found a wonderful self-exploration journal. I've decided that's a good starting point. I know there will be parts that will be difficult. I know it'll mean allowing myself to be vulnerable -- scary! -- but I can do it! 

I'm about to take the first step to learning about myself. 

Here goes!

Playing Catch-up!

It's been entirely too long since I've posted! So much has happened and changed in the last couple of months!

For starters, I broke the halfway point of getting to my goal! 125lbs are now GONE! How did that happen so quickly?!

I also made it through my first holiday season as 'New Me' and -- I'm so proud of myself! I was able to maintain portion control and keep myself from going crazy with food. One plate at each holiday and I didn't overfill the plate, like I always have. There were tempting moments, but I managed to hold strong. *fist bump* to me!

I even made it through our cookie baking session with Jean without eating too many cookies. The temptation of four-bazillion cookies on the counter the next day got to me and I indulged in 5 -- yes, FIVE! -- but I logged them, owned them, counter-balance the rest of my day around them and moved on!

During the six week holiday season, I actually managed to lose 13lbs! So awesome! I think this really proves out my commitment to my new lifestyle and that it truly is a new lifestyle, not a diet!

The other way I've grown by leaps and bounds in the last few months is activity and exercise. I really struggled from the beginning with being active. I had finally gotten my groove and was starting to get in a rhythm when I got sick back in May/June/July. The 30 days of not being able to exercise really killed my motivation.

Once I was better, I struggled with getting my motivation back. I kept trying and wasn't getting far. I'd manage a day or two, then I'd slump it out. I didn't know how I was going to get there, but I was going to keep trying.

One day, I joined the Facebook Spark People group. When I did, I met some INCREDIBLE people! There was an exercise challenge being started and I figured that was just the push and drive I needed so, I jumped right in! It's been wonderful to have motivation and accountability!

I'm back to going to the gym 4-5 days a week and sweating my butt off! The best part is that I'm starting to find new muscle! I flexed my arm the other day and deep down under the fluffy layer was a nice little -- and I do mean little -- mound of muscle! There was also a little bump on my forearm! WHOOHOO! It's taking time, but it's paying off!

Some days, I can hardly believe my progress. I don't know who this girl is, but I like her! I'm really starting to learn to love myself -- something I often struggled with. I've been making conscious efforts to not be self-deprecating. Talk about a struggle! So many years of negative voices in my head and negative thoughts about myself is a difficult habit to break -- perhaps the most difficult I've faced thus far. I've even asked Tiffany to start calling me out, if I do it. I even promised her $5 each time, but I haven't paid out yet. haha I'm down to a few times a week, rather than multiple times a day -- progress!

I could literally go on and on to catch up what's happened in the last few months! I guess that's what I get for slacking for so long!

With the new year, I've committed myself to working on my mental well-being, as well as my physical well-being. I tackled my physical well-being in 2016; 2017 is the year of mental well-being, along with the continued improvement of my physical well-being.

... that's a wrap!

Checking New Boxes

You know those questionnaires the doctor gives you where you have to check your Activity level? Sedentary, Light, Active, Very Active... Crazy Beast

Guess which box I've always owned? That's right, 'Sedentary.' Might as well have been 'Lazy Ass', 'Dead Fish', 'Couch Potato'... pick one. Haha

Last week I had to fill one out and guess what?! THAT ISN'T MY BOX ANYMORE!!

Do you know how thrilling that was?!

One more bulletpoint for my success story: This girl now owns a new Activity Level box!

Check, please!

The Ugly Side of Working Out

Just a fair warning that this post may be TMI for some people. Read at your own risk! Haha

I don't care how much you try to convince yourself that "sweat is fat crying" or any other anecdotal euphemism you put on it, sweat is disgusting!

Part of how I ended up as such a big person is because I HAAAATTTE being sweaty! It's sticky. It feels gross. It makes me wet. It makes me stink. It's not pretty, but neither is a fat, hanging belly or bat wings that could wrap someone like a mummy, if I could swing my arms fast enough! Haha

When I started working out, I learned I could sweat in places I didn't even know were capable of sweating!

My pits are wet. Sweat running down my back. Crotch sweat. BUTT CRACK SWEAT!!

Boob sweat until my bra's wet. Sweat running into my eyes. Let's not forget the wonderful belly sweat. Nasty!!

And then the best part -- the zits I get towards the base of my scalp from all the head sweat! And yes, I shower ASAP, but I still get them sometimes.

Speaking of showering, don't get me started on gym showers! Ugh! I only shower at the gym after I've used the pool. Talk about gross! What is wrong with people?! Are hairballs on the floor REALLY necessary?! Really?!

I'm getting used to it -- or at least learning to tolerate it. It's a necessary means to an end, right? I mean, let's be real, I don't hate sweating as much as I hate being fat, so...

I'm holding out hope that there will someday be a way to burn a few hundred calories while staying clean and smelling good. Haha

Until then, I guess I'll keep using deodorant like it's going out of style and hoping I don't smell gross! Haha

Let the sweat beads roll, my friend!

Success Story Milestone: 100lbs -->> GONE!

I've said all along, I'm just working on my success story one day at a time and OH-EM-GEE have I hit a big milestone! I can hardly believe it, but I did it!! I REALLLLY did it!

I've LOST 100 POUNDS!!! Who am I?!?!

When I started in February, I never imagined in a million years that I would hit this milestone! I've said this repeatedly this week: it's both surreal and incredible! I feel like it's not me. I feel like I'm peeking into someone else's life.

Having come this far still surprises me. I keep thinking that I'm going to step on the scale and it'll show 444 again and then it's going to laugh and tell me this has all been a joke and isn't real. Ridiculous, right?! haha

Getting from 90lbs to 100lbs took FOREVER -- about 5 weeks. September was not a kind month in the scale department. I only lost about 6 lbs (Aug 29 - Sept 26), which is terrible! haha BUT it wasn't all bad.

September was actually a good month, in other respects. I started a weight training class! And I got of my blood pressure meds! YAYYY! My doctor doesn't actually think I had a 'blood pressure problem', now. She's thinking it was either a) a virus that sent my body off the deep end or b) the change in diet and starting to exercise made my body go haywire for a little bit. Whichever it was, I'm done with them!

I'm so excited to see what the next few months bring. I LOVE this new me! Sometimes, I still struggle with motivation in the exercise realm, but I just keep working on it. I actually got called a 'gym rat' the other day, which was strange. haha Am I? Maybe I am. How did 'the fat chick' become a 'gym rat'? I hope that doesn't mean I stink. Lord, gyms smell nasty! haha

Whatever I am, I'm just going to keep doing it. 145lbs to go... one day at a time... one pound at a time. Bring it!

Kicking and Screaming

The last place I want to go tonight is the gym. I've argued with myself. I've justified not going. I still have a headache (day 3). I've been to the gym 8 of the last 9 days. I don't want to be out until 9pm again when I have to be up at 4am. I'm tired. My elbow still hurts.

I feel like a child claiming to be hungry at bedtime. A child begging for just one more drop of water before being banished to my room where I'll die of hunger and dehydration by morning.

I'm going anyway. I'm not happy about it. I'm dragging myself kicking and screaming, but I'm going.

Ugh!

Hello Fall! Keep that Pumpkin Spice Away from Me!

It's not officially fall, in my book, until it's October! It's time for crisp, cool mornings and chilly nights. Changing leaves and pumpkins -- let's be clear, though... keep all that 'pumpkin spice' shit away from me! I seriously do not get that obsession! haha

We put out the fall decor the other day. Inevitably, I find new things all the time. My favorite fall addition is Cinderella's carriage! I love it!

It's a gorgeous morning here in Seattle! Got up early -- as usual -- did some strength training, then watched the sun come up.

Heading out to the gym later for some treadmill and pool time. I still haven't hit my 100lbs loss milestone and it's making me a little crazy! I've decided it's the ole "Watched pot never boils" situation so I'm just going to keep doing what I need to do and let it happen when it happens! 

Happy fall!