Facing Fears!

They say we don't grow if we only ever stay where we're comfortable so I've decided to start doing things that I'm afraid of. Today, it was facing the Wheel. I can hardly believe I did this!

It was SOOOOO scary, but I made it! I may even do it again!

Last Scale Hurdle!

I can hardly believe it! Look what the scale says today! Bring it on, twos! I'm ready to kick your butts!

Today's the Day

Nine years ago, I had a job interview and needed a nice outfit. I went shopping and was able to find a jacket that barely fit. I couldn't button it. I couldn't lower my arms comfortably, but it would have to do. It was my only option.

I put the jacket on as I walked in and took it off the second I got out. For the hour in between, I was as still as I could be without being awkward.

The jacket promptly went in the back of my closet as soon as I got home. Over the years, I toyed with getting rid of it, but never could since I liked it. I kept telling myself: "One day..."

As I got ready for work this morning -- for the job I had interviewed for -- I saw the jacket in the back of the closet. "One day" had finely come.

Nine years later, the jacket is too big. It's baggy all over, but it finally got to go to work!

Happy Anniversary, New Me!

Happy New Me Anniversary!!

Today is my one year anniversary of "New Me"!! One year since I decided to really commit to a healthy lifestyle. I'm down 134lbs and SOOOOO much more active. I'm doing things I never imagined I'd do! It's awesome!

Tonight was also my first real trainer session (first time was mostly a consultation.) I'm excited to see how he can help me make good progress! It's ironic that it fell on my New Me anniversary!

I'm so excited to see what the next year brings!

Ready to Scream!

It's been a while since I've posted. I've been awful at keeping the promise to myself to blog more. Ugh!

It's been a VERRRRY frustrating few weeks! No matter how well or how poorly I've eaten and how active or inactive I've been, the damn scale has been frozen for 5+ weeks! I'm SOOOO sick of seeing 315!! (+/- 2lbs)

"Scale is just a number."

"Celebrate the NSVs."

"Don't let it get to you."

"Think of it as practicing maintenance."

YESSS, I know these things! I preach them to myself and others alllllll the time, but it's getting to my head and messing with my mindset.

The last couple of weeks, I've felt very discouraged and defeated. I've been ready to snatch myself bald-headed! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?

I've tried eating a little more. I've tried eating a little less. I've worked out a little more. I've worked out a little less. All completely fruitless!

Figuring out what your body needs/wants is worse than trying to rationalize with a tantrum-throwing toddler!

I finally hit a breaking point and decided to go back to the Weight Loss Clinic. I got super lucky and got an appointment the next day.

That appointment helped me SO MUCH!

First of all, they did a body scan. In the last 90 days, my body fat has decreased almost as much as my muscle mass has increased! Seriously?! Body scans are amazing! This is a factor in the scale not moving! It's the real life anecdotal "swapping fat for muscle!"

The body scan also revealed that I'm retaining A TON of fluid -- probably another factor in the solid-state scale.

They also measured my neck and waist. My neck is down a inch and my waist is down SIX inches! Really?! I guess this confirms the value of measuring!

I also learned that it's pretty common for someone that's lost as much weight as I have (130lbs) in a relatively short period of time (11 months) to have a 6-8 week plateau. Yeah?! Annoying, but okay.

The other thing the doctor said is that it's amazing that I've made so much progress on my own, basically without help -- no aids, no surgery, no nothing -- just me.

She also said that I'm losing at a rate that's better than some people who have had surgery! WHUUUT?! For real?!

All of those things were very encouraging and good to know. It lifted my spirits and helped my mindset -- some. I felt so better for about 24 hours. But now...

I didn't weigh myself last week. I'm still debating if I'll do it this week. I know it's silly, but I'm so anxious to see some validation on the scale. I'm almost afraid that it not moving will reinforce my funky mindset. I really don't know what I'll decide Monday morning.

Quitting isn't an option -- Have we met?! -- so I guess I just have to keep doing what I'm doing and eventually the scale will move. Hopefully. I mean, I can't be 315lbs forever! Right?

These are the days I do everything I can to suck it up and remind myself of the words of an old lady who helped mold my life. Words she used whenever things were tough. Words for when things weren't going how we wanted them to. Words so important to me they're inscribed on my back -- Onward and upward!

Step-by-Step, Ooohhhhh Baby!

For a lonnnng time now, I've been so incredibly scared of hills and stairs. There's a bigggg hill on University Street between 2nd and 3rd here in Seattle. It's been daunting! 

Last summer, a hill much like the University Street hill did me in during the Color Run. It was at the top of that hill where I was completely out of breath. Heaving, couldn't catch my breath, gasping for air, lungs burning. It was baaaad!

Last week, I decided I would walk up the University hill. I was scared, but I was going to do it. I stood at the bottom, took a deep breath, and started up.

To my amazement, IT WASN'T TOO BAD! I was certainly breathing heavily at the top, but I was completely recovered by the time I got to the front door of my building! AWESOME!

Yesterday, I decided to do it again and guess what?! Same thing! I even got up the nerve to go DOWN the hill earlier this week! Equally scary, but I did it!

This morning, I decided to do one better. Don't walk up the University hill, walk up the University STAIRS...without holding on! WHUUUT?!

Sooo... I did. I walked alllllllll the way up those stairs without touching the handrail! I ALWAYS hold on out of fear of falling and needing to help myself up! To be able to do it without touching the handrail was INCREDIBLE!

These same stairs were a nightmare for me a little over a year ago! My car was in the garage and, for some reason I don't recall, we had to go down the stairs to get access.

I was soooo heavy, I was sweating and had to rest halfway down -- DOWN the stairs, not UP! This morning, I went UP -- no stopping, no resting, no problem!

So many accomplishments this week and facing fears! Feels sooooooo good!

All right, what's next...?

My Healthy Plan

I often get asked, "What are you doing to be so successful?" so here's my secret: There's no secret. Sorry.

It's simple, actually! Eat well, move your body, see results. Period.

Not enough? Okay, fair enough. Here's how I do things...

When I started in February 2016, I didn't make radical changes. I started simply. One change at a time.

I had already made some changes in January with spreading my food out throughout the day, rather than eating a day's worth of food in one sitting. (see New me) By February, I decided I probably needed to make some better food choices. I started with a better choice here or there (e.g. skip McDonald's and get teriyaki instead.)

I continued to make small changes to my diet. I started watching calories and tracking my food. I stopped eating fast food and started eating more of a clean diet.

One change here and one change there has built up. If I had been radical about it -- gone through my fridge and pantry and done a clean sweep -- I would have revolted and quit!

Here's an example of a small change: Instead of eating enough pasta for three people, four times a week, I would have pasta for one, twice a week. Then pasta twice a month. Then once every few months. You get the idea.

I now eat about 80% clean and focus more on macronutrients than calories. I stay away from processed foods and foods with too many ingredients or ingredients that are impossible to read.

I eat primarily chicken breasts, yogurt, eggs, fresh vegetables, fruit, etc. I have a berry protein smoothie every morning and supplement with protein drinks and bars when I'm on-on-the-go or need some extra protein. (Protein is the ultimate super food!)

I keep rice, pasta, breads, starchy vegetables, etc. (unnatural occurring carbs, in general) to a minimum. When I do have those things, I make choices for whole grain and unrefined, as much as possible.

I still enjoy treats and "bad" food when I really want to, but it's now an occasional thing every few weeks or months, rather than a regular thing multiple times a week.

I also don't consider being away from home and having to eat out as a license to deviate. I've done research so I know what restaurants around me have healthy options. If I go out of town or somewhere new, I look up nutrition and know what I'm ordering before going to the restaurant.

I'm also religious about not drinking my calories. I exclusively drink water and coffee with only a touch of creamer. I have 1-2 cups of coffee a day and drink no less than 2 liters of water a day.

The other invaluable piece of the puzzle is moving. Get off my butt. Move. Move. Move.

I go to the gym 4-5 days a week and workout for an hour: 45 mins of cardio and 15 mins of Strength Training.

Even on my rest days, I try to at least do *something.* A walk. A few trips up/down the stairs. Nothing much. And not always, but usually.

This approach has resulted in an average loss of 2-3lbs a week. Sometimes more, sometimes, less, sometimes nothing (those weeks make me a crazy person!) There have even been a handful of weeks where I've been up a tiny smidge. It's all part of the journey.

There you have it! That's how I've been doing it!

Starting Here...

My commitment for 2017 is to continue my journey towards physical well-being and to also incorporate improved mental well-being. 

Part of my journey to improved mental well-being is blogging more regularly (at least bi-weekly) and doing some self-exploration. I'm 44 years old and -- surprisingly -- I feel like I don't know many things about myself. Years of being a mom, giving to others, working, going to school, you name it and I've lost myself.

Tiffany found a wonderful self-exploration journal. I've decided that's a good starting point. I know there will be parts that will be difficult. I know it'll mean allowing myself to be vulnerable -- scary! -- but I can do it! 

I'm about to take the first step to learning about myself. 

Here goes!

Playing Catch-up!

It's been entirely too long since I've posted! So much has happened and changed in the last couple of months!

For starters, I broke the halfway point of getting to my goal! 125lbs are now GONE! How did that happen so quickly?!

I also made it through my first holiday season as 'New Me' and -- I'm so proud of myself! I was able to maintain portion control and keep myself from going crazy with food. One plate at each holiday and I didn't overfill the plate, like I always have. There were tempting moments, but I managed to hold strong. *fist bump* to me!

I even made it through our cookie baking session with Jean without eating too many cookies. The temptation of four-bazillion cookies on the counter the next day got to me and I indulged in 5 -- yes, FIVE! -- but I logged them, owned them, counter-balance the rest of my day around them and moved on!

During the six week holiday season, I actually managed to lose 13lbs! So awesome! I think this really proves out my commitment to my new lifestyle and that it truly is a new lifestyle, not a diet!

The other way I've grown by leaps and bounds in the last few months is activity and exercise. I really struggled from the beginning with being active. I had finally gotten my groove and was starting to get in a rhythm when I got sick back in May/June/July. The 30 days of not being able to exercise really killed my motivation.

Once I was better, I struggled with getting my motivation back. I kept trying and wasn't getting far. I'd manage a day or two, then I'd slump it out. I didn't know how I was going to get there, but I was going to keep trying.

One day, I joined the Facebook Spark People group. When I did, I met some INCREDIBLE people! There was an exercise challenge being started and I figured that was just the push and drive I needed so, I jumped right in! It's been wonderful to have motivation and accountability!

I'm back to going to the gym 4-5 days a week and sweating my butt off! The best part is that I'm starting to find new muscle! I flexed my arm the other day and deep down under the fluffy layer was a nice little -- and I do mean little -- mound of muscle! There was also a little bump on my forearm! WHOOHOO! It's taking time, but it's paying off!

Some days, I can hardly believe my progress. I don't know who this girl is, but I like her! I'm really starting to learn to love myself -- something I often struggled with. I've been making conscious efforts to not be self-deprecating. Talk about a struggle! So many years of negative voices in my head and negative thoughts about myself is a difficult habit to break -- perhaps the most difficult I've faced thus far. I've even asked Tiffany to start calling me out, if I do it. I even promised her $5 each time, but I haven't paid out yet. haha I'm down to a few times a week, rather than multiple times a day -- progress!

I could literally go on and on to catch up what's happened in the last few months! I guess that's what I get for slacking for so long!

With the new year, I've committed myself to working on my mental well-being, as well as my physical well-being. I tackled my physical well-being in 2016; 2017 is the year of mental well-being, along with the continued improvement of my physical well-being.

... that's a wrap!

Checking New Boxes

You know those questionnaires the doctor gives you where you have to check your Activity level? Sedentary, Light, Active, Very Active... Crazy Beast

Guess which box I've always owned? That's right, 'Sedentary.' Might as well have been 'Lazy Ass', 'Dead Fish', 'Couch Potato'... pick one. Haha

Last week I had to fill one out and guess what?! THAT ISN'T MY BOX ANYMORE!!

Do you know how thrilling that was?!

One more bulletpoint for my success story: This girl now owns a new Activity Level box!

Check, please!

The Ugly Side of Working Out

Just a fair warning that this post may be TMI for some people. Read at your own risk! Haha

I don't care how much you try to convince yourself that "sweat is fat crying" or any other anecdotal euphemism you put on it, sweat is disgusting!

Part of how I ended up as such a big person is because I HAAAATTTE being sweaty! It's sticky. It feels gross. It makes me wet. It makes me stink. It's not pretty, but neither is a fat, hanging belly or bat wings that could wrap someone like a mummy, if I could swing my arms fast enough! Haha

When I started working out, I learned I could sweat in places I didn't even know were capable of sweating!

My pits are wet. Sweat running down my back. Crotch sweat. BUTT CRACK SWEAT!!

Boob sweat until my bra's wet. Sweat running into my eyes. Let's not forget the wonderful belly sweat. Nasty!!

And then the best part -- the zits I get towards the base of my scalp from all the head sweat! And yes, I shower ASAP, but I still get them sometimes.

Speaking of showering, don't get me started on gym showers! Ugh! I only shower at the gym after I've used the pool. Talk about gross! What is wrong with people?! Are hairballs on the floor REALLY necessary?! Really?!

I'm getting used to it -- or at least learning to tolerate it. It's a necessary means to an end, right? I mean, let's be real, I don't hate sweating as much as I hate being fat, so...

I'm holding out hope that there will someday be a way to burn a few hundred calories while staying clean and smelling good. Haha

Until then, I guess I'll keep using deodorant like it's going out of style and hoping I don't smell gross! Haha

Let the sweat beads roll, my friend!

Success Story Milestone: 100lbs -->> GONE!

I've said all along, I'm just working on my success story one day at a time and OH-EM-GEE have I hit a big milestone! I can hardly believe it, but I did it!! I REALLLLY did it!

I've LOST 100 POUNDS!!! Who am I?!?!

When I started in February, I never imagined in a million years that I would hit this milestone! I've said this repeatedly this week: it's both surreal and incredible! I feel like it's not me. I feel like I'm peeking into someone else's life.

Having come this far still surprises me. I keep thinking that I'm going to step on the scale and it'll show 444 again and then it's going to laugh and tell me this has all been a joke and isn't real. Ridiculous, right?! haha

Getting from 90lbs to 100lbs took FOREVER -- about 5 weeks. September was not a kind month in the scale department. I only lost about 6 lbs (Aug 29 - Sept 26), which is terrible! haha BUT it wasn't all bad.

September was actually a good month, in other respects. I started a weight training class! And I got of my blood pressure meds! YAYYY! My doctor doesn't actually think I had a 'blood pressure problem', now. She's thinking it was either a) a virus that sent my body off the deep end or b) the change in diet and starting to exercise made my body go haywire for a little bit. Whichever it was, I'm done with them!

I'm so excited to see what the next few months bring. I LOVE this new me! Sometimes, I still struggle with motivation in the exercise realm, but I just keep working on it. I actually got called a 'gym rat' the other day, which was strange. haha Am I? Maybe I am. How did 'the fat chick' become a 'gym rat'? I hope that doesn't mean I stink. Lord, gyms smell nasty! haha

Whatever I am, I'm just going to keep doing it. 145lbs to go... one day at a time... one pound at a time. Bring it!

Kicking and Screaming

The last place I want to go tonight is the gym. I've argued with myself. I've justified not going. I still have a headache (day 3). I've been to the gym 8 of the last 9 days. I don't want to be out until 9pm again when I have to be up at 4am. I'm tired. My elbow still hurts.

I feel like a child claiming to be hungry at bedtime. A child begging for just one more drop of water before being banished to my room where I'll die of hunger and dehydration by morning.

I'm going anyway. I'm not happy about it. I'm dragging myself kicking and screaming, but I'm going.

Ugh!

Hello Fall! Keep that Pumpkin Spice Away from Me!

It's not officially fall, in my book, until it's October! It's time for crisp, cool mornings and chilly nights. Changing leaves and pumpkins -- let's be clear, though... keep all that 'pumpkin spice' shit away from me! I seriously do not get that obsession! haha

We put out the fall decor the other day. Inevitably, I find new things all the time. My favorite fall addition is Cinderella's carriage! I love it!

It's a gorgeous morning here in Seattle! Got up early -- as usual -- did some strength training, then watched the sun come up.

Heading out to the gym later for some treadmill and pool time. I still haven't hit my 100lbs loss milestone and it's making me a little crazy! I've decided it's the ole "Watched pot never boils" situation so I'm just going to keep doing what I need to do and let it happen when it happens! 

Happy fall!

New Blog Digs

I've officially finished moving all my previous blogs from Spark People to here! I'm looking forward to getting started here and meeting new people!

Please follow me! Please send me your blogs, too!

By the way, if you're looking for a WONDERFUL weight loss, healthy lifestyle online community, definitely check out SparkPeople.com It has been an amazing group of people, resources, information, etc. that has helped me start this journey to the new, healthier me!

If you're a Sparker or if you go sign up, definitely add me! Just Simply Q

Dumbells, Machines, and Weights, Oh My! (Tuesday, September 27, 2016)

Tonight is my first strength training class! I have NO idea what to expect. I'm nervous, I'm excited... yikes! Yay! I'm looking forward to this next phase and building some strength and muscle!

Reflection (NSV): Faster and Longer! (Sunday, September 25, 2016)

Today, I took a minute to look back on my progress on the treadmill.

Back in May/June, I was pushing to make it 28 minutes and was happy that I walked ~0.6 miles. I was wiped and my feet hurt when I was done.

These days, I do my 30-35 minutes on the treadmill and walk a little over a mile. And I'm not dying at the end! Haha

Progress!

Frustrated and Annoyed! (Monday, September 19, 2016)

I'm SOOOOO close to hitting my first 100lbs lost milestone, but the last 10 is taking FOREVER! I know I'm trading a lot of fat for muscle these days, but these 1-2lbs loss per week is torture!

I'm finally at 93.4lbs. I REALLY want to hit 100lbs by my birthday. I've got 2.5 weeks to knock out these last 6.6lbs! I'm so ready to hit this milestone so I can start busting down the next 100lbs!

Maybe I can figure out how to sleep on the treadmill. haha

200 Days of Healthy Me! (Wednesday, September 14, 2016)

Holy bajeezus! It's been 200 Days since I committed to getting healthy! I can hardly believe so much time has passed and how much I've accomplished!

In 200 days, I have:
-- logged all my food, everyday!
-- lost 92lbs!
-- increased my fitness level significantly!
-- done a 5k walk!
-- increased my average step count by about 400%!
-- dropped two pant sizes!
-- more things I'm sure I'm forgetting!

Some days, all of this feels so surreal! I'm certain I've miscalculated my weight loss. I'm certain I've looked at clothes tags wrong. I must be looking in a distorted mirror. It doesn't feel like me. The old me NEVER would have done these things or stuck with it this long!

I'm BEYOND thrilled! I love this new me! I can hardly wait to see the me at 300 days or 400 days!

Ready or not, here I come!

Almost there! (Monday, September 05, 2016)